help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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