Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?