Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry