Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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