I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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