in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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