wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
