she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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