Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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