Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
