The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
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How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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