just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
