I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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