Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
