Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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