nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
