this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
