That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize