apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
