I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
