2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
