nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
