Someone shit on the floor
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
