It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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