she looked like the before picture.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
