Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
