walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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