it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
