if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
