think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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