I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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