I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
