im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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