I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
