Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
