I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
