Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
