Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
