Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
