we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
