Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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