i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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