at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
