I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
