she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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