My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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