My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
