her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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