Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize