Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
