just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Girls should come with a carfax report
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
