My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
