I am in a vortex of obligation.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
