I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
