So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
