She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
