I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
