Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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