my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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