i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
