Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
