It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
