I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
