dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
