I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
