I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
