I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
