Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
