It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
