How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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