For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pants are for mortals
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
