I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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