It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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