STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
