my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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