just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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