is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
