Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
