i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
