so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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